25

i turn 25 in an hour. this seems strange and unbelievable. surely 25 years of existence is enough to become acquainted with the monotonicity of time. but instead the seconds pass and disbelief stares back, unmoving.

a quarter-century is a long time. with sadness, i realize how much of it i have forgotten already.

imagine that we could live forever. would we still talk about wasting time if time were an unlimited resource? would we still apologize for being late?

it seems that we should panic less about wasting time as our lifespan grows. paradoxically, every moment in time is unique and unrepeating, so we should be losing our shit over each precious second that passes.

i used to imagine the movement of time as like a river, flowing by with the blended grace and strength of water and gravity. now it feels like a tired jogger limping by on a rhythmless gait, wrecked with joint pain and gasping for air. most steps are slogged with exhaustion, but every once in a while a wave of endorphins crashes in and makes the world spin with brightness.

how unfortunate it is to be alive during the brief window of history when computers are getting faster just as your body is getting slower. i hope i’m lucky enough to become more of a computer soon.